It has been the weirdest , most morose and emotionally intense last few weeks for me.
I deleted my IMVU account , something I enjoyed very much to focus more of my attention on my novel .
I've lost people I thought were friends , gained friends I thought were not , wrote like my life depended on it .After a week I started to get the sense that I would and could accomplish anything.I was starting to feel content.
last week my Uncle John , at the tender age of 65 passed away in his sleep.I wasnt close to him , but I had always admired and respected him for the things he accomplished.It was a loss nevertheless .
The thing I remember most about him , the one thing that I've kept with me all these years, is that even though the majority of the time he couldn't remember my name , he knew just by looking at me exactly which of his 5 brother's kids I was.And then offer me menu and make my dinner himself , sit with me a while and tell me to take care of myself when I left.For the perceived and obvious human flaws he may have had , in his heart, and what I assume he more often than not tried to conceal , he was truly a kind and generous man.
His death got me to thinking about how dysfunctial that entire side of the family can be , past grudges run rampant , old hatreds and apathy for things that should be long forgotten and easily forgiven , poison and slowly rot away at the root system of my family tree.
It saddened me deeply and got me to thinking about the happiest times in my life .Wishing I could recapture those moments , those feelings and familiarity .
Once upon a time I had a Family of my own .A family I was extremely proud of .A man I knew then , as I know now I will never forget , how does a person forget the Love of their life?You don't ...you push the feelings away when the burden of absence becomes too painful.But you never really ever forget.
I went to face book and did my usual once in a few months search , figuring I was daft but if I didn't try it would eat at me.
And there he was.
I sent a friend request and waited ...forever it seemed.Wondering , afraid that maybe he wouldn't accept and I should just finally and fully get over him.
I didn't realize until he messaged me the magnitude of my feelings and how strongly I still felt .Or maybe it was that remembering and feeling the loss of the one man I always considered to be the absolute love of my life was too painful and so I buried it as deeply as I could , until the echo of his voice whispered to me and I could not ignore it anymore.
Time to get ready for the funeral of someone I regret never getting close to.
Time to stop regretting the loss of someone I've finally found again.
I guess in the end , or at the beginning , it is as they say it is...It's all about Time.