Clair

it's been a month since i was told my best friend in the entire world died.
a month of grieving so deeply that i felt like I couldnt breathe.I have these moments where it sweeps over me and I have to hang on by the skin of my teeth somehow just to not get dragged into the abyss.
I'm not used to going more than 3 days without a word from her. I'm not used to feeling like I have no one to share with.I am going through these fits of blind abandon and utter caution .
Ive lost people before . We all lose people , its hard , you grieve , work thru your emotions , say good bye , keep them in your heart and think of them every now and then hopefully with a smile.
I have so much to say and no patience to take my time and just say it , in proper context and form.
Am I fooling myself into thinking I have any real talent ? is everyone just blowing smoke up my ass or can i get a handle on this emotional baggage and just say to hell with it .
I dont know . I felt for a few minutes i could start writing again ( creatively that is ) and that feeling comes in spurts. but mostly since she's gone , more than ever i hear that evil whisperer , slithering her filth in my ear .
am I ever going to find the story again ? is Walt going to save the day and my life in the process ?
I am just another wannabe , a hack . an uneducated mongrel who has no business wanting what my favourites have ... a storyteller without a plot.
She wouldnt let me think that way .
god I miss you .